You‘re one of those people who will end up scarily successful” My friend told me the other night. “Just use all your resources. God gave you what you need baby !” His New Orleans voice only made everything he said more powerful and uplifting. Have you ever heard someone speak with such a strong, cool, inviting swag that you must smile when you hear their voice? This is the kind of voice my favorite drummer in the world has. He is a collaborator that I met when we were partnered together for an event to perform. We were pushed into a band, I was the lead, he was the drums. The beat. The soul. And he keeps a very good rhythm, let me tell ya.
It’s hard to sleep these days. But the cool thing about having a startup is that people aren’t so weirded out if you’re up at odd hours. The coolest drummer in the world knows this so when I called at 2 AM earlier this week, he answered, knowing my spirit must have needed something. He was right. I was in tears. Listening to a song I’d freestyled a few years back for only the second time had affected me. I speak with a confidence artistically that doesn’t always carry with me in daily life. The person whose voice I heard on the song, her words and power vs my actual self are different individuals. I no longer have room for this issue in my heart. I must become one with myself. The beat agreed.
“It’s time. Right now. “ He used to be a psychologist in another life, I’m sure. “Baby, just call me back when you got the studio time, I got your musicians. Give me dates. Make it real. You know musicians in Memphis, get a budget they’ll come” And he’s right, Memphis is hungry. If you’re paying, it’s harder not to find someone who will take the gig. But I am the worst perfectionist, to my own detriment. I like it perfect or nothing. But Soulful Rhthym has a retort for this as well. He said a lot but this is what stood out to me. “…Then you’ll wake up 40 with a bucket list.” Ah hell naw, let’s address these fears, cause ain’t nobody got time to be 40 and regretful. I’ll be honest, I had a hard time writing this because it’s a bit self-deprecating. It’s not easy to expose your fears to the world! But accountability is what I’m dealing with these days, so not posting this isn’t an option….right?
Welcome to Day 3 of 30 in How to Change Your Life In 30 Days, so I Hope. the goal of creating this blog was to overcome fears and come out a better person. You can find previous posts from this series here ____ Today's post stemmed from yesterdays' blog where I said I wanted to find out what my hang ups were regarding success. I also listed out 30 issues that I'd like to change in myself. This post addresses a few of the topics I listed in yesterday's post as well.
What I Fear About Success:
The root of everything I do, both in for profit and nonprofit, stems from a very pure place. I’ve never desired money, but the things that money brings. Security. Comfort. The ability to help others. I never want to be at a point where the dollar is King. Ever. Not my cup of tea. I am concerned that the bigger we get, the further I will move away from this mindset. There should be more people in the world with pure hearts; I never want to change the purity in how I think.
Drake said it best. “No new friends, no new friends, no new friends, no new!” Actually, Drake was wrong, I love making new friends but I get where he is coming from! When people know your assets, they tend to come to you for how it can benefit them. I am not excited about the day that everyone around me is there because they feel I can add to their bottom line. I also am not the best at fake smiles. I never want to change this, yet I know I will have to. I’m an authentic being, with no excitement about having to be fake.
As a kid I would stash away money for years. That time in my life has come and gone. These days, I zone out when numbers get big.I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it feels like I’m about to vomit. Lol But it’s not funny. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling to be sitting with serious investors and not being able to control the nausea that’s overcoming your being. Once, negotiating a 360 deal, a potential investor and I sat through a few meetings with lawyers, other investor/partners, potential managers etc, exploring the details and projections for my project. We began at a 3K investment, but by the time we were done, I’m estimating upwards of100K in conversations. It was getting really ridiculous really fast for me. I couldn’t handle it. I zoned out constantly and wished that I had signed the contract with a manager a year prior so that I didn’t have to be in so many meetings. Did I sabotage the deal because I didn’t feel ready? Today, I realize that maybe I did. Ok, I did. I definitely did. The right team wasn’t in place. In the future, I shouldn’t be the one at these meetings. Or I need a Zanax prescription to stay calm through them, one or the other. The time is now to utilize accountants and meet regularly so that I can be comfortable discussing numbers when I have to.
Rapid Growth/ Organization Necessity
Understanding that organization is King, I get that accelerated paces require more team members and even more rigorous structures than normal. I won’t say I fear this as much as that it’s very uncomfortable for me to be confined inside the walls of a clock. But me and Rand Paul are about to besties as I begin to wear two watches and bug my lovely assistant to help me arrange the week in the most productive and time efficient way. (Love you lady!) I know no other way to say that how fast things are moving is hard to handle, but I’d rather deal with it than not.
Lack of Anonymity
How in the heck am I supposed to crash parties and dance into the night if everyone knows who I am? I mean, I think it’s great that people get stories written about them in the paper but I’d honestly rather be the one writing the stories as opposed to being the subject. Sometimes, superstars want nothing more than a day to be normal. I never desire that feeling. My desire is for wealth, not fame.
The Need for Extreme Structure
Structure only concerns me because everything I have done up to this point, in the past 10 years, has been very organic in nature. I’d not like to confine myself and lose that magic. At the same time, I would not like to give any excuses regarding this matter. I know I will eventually, and already have, driven a few people nuts because I don’t do calendars and schedules how others typically do. I mean, we don’t even count the same! (Me and the rest of the world, of course)
All Work and No Play
You ever met someone so uptight you can’t be around them? Last night, someone who has been trying to get on my calendar finally caught up with me, but not because I wanted them to. I simply forgot to cancel our get together, and felt bad when they showed up. I had to juggle a few things, but he never really had all of my attention. This was more of a personal meeting, and I couldn’t make myself focus on this man who had nothing to do with my life. I tried though. I ordered two drinks, but they only added to my clarity. The more I drank, the more I realized that I needed to be focused on other projects and not making small talk. He warned me that I may be experiencing mania. I thanked him for the insight. Then, I assured him that his boss experienced the same thing when he formed the company that had been employing him the past 10 years.I’d like to be able to go out, but I can wait until I have a few employees before I turn all the way up.
Those are the things that make success scary for me, what's holding you back? No one likes facing their fears, but I’m confident we can overcome them. Wanna play along? This may be the most beneficial game you’ll ever play. If you’re up to it, and you should be, try writing out at least 7 things that scare you about your own success. You never know what obstacle your list will help you overcome. It will be uncomfortable writing it if you do it right, but the cool part about your list is that you won’t have to share it with anyone. Maybe this isn’t something you post on Facebook, but I would suggest at least journaling out your fears. I have more than these, but I can’t be telling ya’ll my whole life, it’s just not wise! Those more personal thoughts will go in a journal. If any brave souls want to share with me, as always, send in your fears to TiffanyMishe@gmail.com and I’ll find a place on the blog for it. For tomorrow, I project addressing this organization issue. What is tomorrow looking like for you?
Hoping for your success