There are 365 Days in a year. Here is my Day 2. I don’t know how you count, but I count how I want to!
For those keeping up, the goal of this particular blog was to make changes and document the results based on the suggestion of people who commented....there were no comments on the last post! I've come up with my own 30 things to change though, so no worries, there's no longer any pressure on you (whew!) Now, if you're anything like me, then you’ve determined that change is imperative yet aren’t sure you want to be that person you'd like to change into.
What do you do?
For those keeping up, the goal of this particular blog was to make changes and document the results based on the suggestion of people who commented....there were no comments on the last post! I've come up with my own 30 things to change though, so no worries, there's no longer any pressure on you (whew!) Now, if you're anything like me, then you’ve determined that change is imperative yet aren’t sure you want to be that person you'd like to change into.
What do you do?
Doubts are the predecessors to greatness. You must kill them. What must one do to kill their own fear? Today, I will address my fears. As I ride across town to see doctors and visit children, I will be writing out all the things that most frighten me about success.
When the day is over, I will know all the things I desire and fear most. I realized that I am living a bit of a double life in that some settings I am very confident, whereas in others, I desire only to disappear. I also realize that when I achieve all my goals I will be in a place that I have only imagined and not fathomed much on being a reality. I mean to say that I have spent more energy deciding why I can NOT do certain things as opposed to assessing how I can. There is nothing I have fathomed that I cannot achieve, but if I were fearless, I would not need religion, friends, or community. Therefore, I accept that even in my most fearful state I am yet perfect. I am grateful for the chance to overcome obstacles today.
Rarely do I hear start up world speak about faith. I would like to hear more of this. There have been observations made stating that people from disadvantaged backgrounds or diverse upbringings are rarely around in entrepreneurship. There is a reason for that. That reason is fear of the unknown. Most people will never reach the precipice of their success because of this grave fear of not knowing what is out there, if they will be embarrassed, fail, or worse, succeed but only temporarily. People fear that their ideas will be stolen, I understand this fear. If I can overcome these fears, then I can encourage someone else to do the same. I hope you are encouraged as I share.
For 5 years, I have worked with several organizations sharing concepts I have spent years developing. Recently going through some of my college assignments from a decade ago I noticed that I wrote the details I need now my freshman year in a marketing class. Going back further, I found an old MySpace account of mine from when I was 11 that spoke about the concepts I now use, I even named the organization back then, on my MySpace page! At age 11. Wow. I did not realize how long this work has been in me. Over the years of me sharing the work, I have been burned. I have given with full faith only to see opportunities come and no favors be returned. As in, we’ll take your contacts, contracts, ideas, but when we get funding to pay someone full time, we’ll ask you for a recommendation on who that person should be. Yeah, I’ve seen this. Or worse, “Please don’t come into our territory, we were here first”…WHILE they work the contacts I gave in MY territory. Listen, I have decided to love others. I have also decided to love myself. While I may seem selfish when I back down it is for no reason other than self-preservation. I cannot take another encounter like this. It will break my core and faith in humanity. I cannot allow that to happen. So, selfish and protective it is, the world will be better served if I am in good spirits. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve. I will serve in my own way. I hope that there are people who will understand this need to plan excessively and cautiously. I cannot replace intellectual property.
In the first half of 30 days to a better me so I hope, I spent 30 days researching how I could be successful in the second round of 30 days. I discovered a few downloadable apps that help track progress of 30 day goals that I will be using. I have disdained early risings, I will change that with the help of this app.
To make things easier for me, I’m going to list out 30 things I would like to change about myself so that as I post, I will have an easier time picking what to address. My first post took my 5 hours to write. That’s insane, right? I wrote it over and over again, re read it, edited it, edited it more, it was freaking nuts! And ain’t nobody got time for that. So from henceforth and forever, I love ya’ll but you gon have to accept some typos and no Fs given on some of this ish if you expect to read from me daily, I’m just saying!
So, here we go! I'll see you tomorrow and it's likely that the post will be about one of these 30 things that I need to change. Wanna play along? Then write out a few things you'd like to change about yourself. Choose just one thing to work on today and post a FB status, journal in your own way or, be bold and email me about it at [email protected]. If you can commit to writing regularly, I'd love to have you around as a writer. It was hard to narrow my list but here are the
30 Things I’d Like To Change
- I tend to over trust and come off as gullible or an easy target.
- I fear mass and quick growth, I am unsure if I can keep up.
- I hate letting down my mentors.
- I hate psychologists but also understand that I have past issues that should be addressed. Without addressing my fears in a professional setting, my growth and bottom line will suffer.
- I’d rather do nothing than something that aint perfect. (Perfection kills dreams daily)
- Where did I put that to do list?
- Hi, nice to see you again! (Dang it, what’s this person’s name?)
- Hi nice to meet you, talk to you soon! (6 months later…)
- “What’s up class, I’m so happy to be here! I’m going to write with you!” Workshop ends. Grant runs out. Students had a great time and ask when they will see me again. They graduate before they see me again bc…it’s hard out here for #GrantLife
- It takes me days to decide to meet new large groups of people. I will miss encounters if I am not familiar with someone I can lean on in new environments. UNLESS it’s pure competition. I will show up alone if I believe I can reasonably out talent everyone in the environment, uncomfortable or not. All stages are considered competition.
- Why do I feel the need to have partners for everything? I’ve been burned by more partners than I’d like to think of, but still would like to partner for community progress. Should I change this?
- My disdain for returning to a classroom where I am not the teacher should be handled quickly.
- My snapback game is strong. TOO strong. I’m so nice that if you piss me off, this inner angry person that’s been fed up with saying nothing comes out with a vengeance. That person isn’t even me and I have no clue how to get rid of her! I mean, should I get rid of her? Sometimes, this chick is impressive. Occasionally, I want to claim her as me but I am only that bold when I am pissed…. Uh – oh. I’m confused as to what the goal is here. Here’s an example of that chick, I loaded a few videos up once when I was really irritated. Impressive Angry Chick
- Will you volunteer? **explodes internally** I must stop getting angry when people hear about me then request that I work for exposure. There must be a way to explain that their discovery of me proves otherwise and to convert them into buyers before they become X-Fans as I have completely “went off”.
- When I get offended, I do a terrible job covering that up. And even though my Angry Chick is pretty dope, she’s harsh. And sometimes wrong.
- I allow fear to keep me from reaching out when I’d like nothing more than to apologize.
- The Zone Out. You could be talking to me and if I get too overwhelmed my eyes glaze over. It’s really bad. Lmbo It’s not funny, it’s really terrible.
- Schedule? What schedule?
- Deadlines? What deadlines? All due tomorrow. Great.
- Artsy fartsy, please stop getting technical.
- Did you say business administration? No, you were not talking to me, that is not my strong suite.
- Technical proposal writing. Called me spoiled, but it’s hard to convince me to write without a contract ALREADY on the table. I am a writer. This is what I do. I will spend hours foiling over documents to perfection. Requests for documentation before a signed contract will usually be met with my absence.
- Ideas! I have so many ideas, and have done so much groundwork to line the people up to make it a reality worldwide, that I am now stuck with needing to bring someone else in to facilitate the people or become the master business administrator. Please see #21.
- Traveling is in my bones and I will go nuts if I am not seeing at least 3 cities a month.
- Love Life. Work Life. I think I have to choose one. I already see that I will have to love my work. Most start up Founders find that relationships are unrealistic as time is limited in the first 5 years of forward moving companies.
- Bills. Oh my sweet Mary Magdelene. Gotta set up automatic bill pay cause unnecessary stress on fleek!
- You’re a pretentious privileged little twat? Great, it’s going to be reaaaaallllly hard for us to work together. Or we both decide to learn from one another. Honestly, with my background it has always made me uncomfortable to be surrounded by people who have not had to go through what I have. It makes my brain do very strange things. Sometimes I walk into rooms and hear conversations about materialistic things and all I can think about is how I grew up eating less than a meal a day and bouncing around from place to place. I think of people who don't have very basic needs and if I don't check myself, a sense of strong disdain develops. This disdain does not stem from jealousy, but disgust. My upbringing is what makes me an effective educator for at risk youth but it is also what hinders me from connecting with investors, partners and sometimes simply new friends. If I feel like you would ever judge me, or the youth I work with, you can keep your contacts, money, connections, power, whatever. Keep it. We're good.
- How do I write shorter stuff?!
- I am a beautifully built woman, and I thank God for my curves. But, I must tame these breasts and thighs, my back hurts!
- I miss God. Growing up, I prayed everyday, throughout the day, I had to. The things I experienced as a child were…not normal, nor was my faith. I thank God for the opportunity to once again place my faith over my fear.
Alright peeps, that's 30 things I'd like to change, your turn! Maybe you have time to write out a few things you'd like to change about you and we can take the journey together. This website ain't getting no cheaper to host so if any brave soul wants to post their experience on this blog, you are welcomed to, I will gladly host your blog. Email me at [email protected]. Hope you have a productive day, see you tomorrow ( I hope. )
All my love,
Mishe'
Founder
Speak Poetry Academy
GrayCloudProduction.com
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